Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27 NIV1984
I began colorless in my soul, like grey skies or muddy water. Then the clouds rolled in and the billows of white and glimpses of blue started to show up. Small and timid at first, growing in intensity. Unsure of direction, swirling and at times tumultuous.
Storms gave way with flashes of light, electrifying my mind, setting fire to my ideas. How strange that the trials illuminated the dark places. Treacherous storms ripped through my soul, dug up fresh earth, knocked down tall trees that grew without sending deep roots.
The colors that remain are lush and green a new me that’s still growing in understanding, still sorting through the rubble of the person I wanted to be. I turn over a plank of the old barn and find rich soil beneath. At first ignoring the fresh shoots of nourishing plants growing beneath, fascinated by the old grey plank. I want to go back. Momentarily I long for the colorless me, the dirty old barn that was built for a makeshift shelter from the world that hurts and curses those who stand against the norm. Turning over that board with it’s rusty nails I stroke the rough surface and imagine myself back there, content in my ignorance. I hug the plank and hum a placid tune but when my eyes open I discover the life beginning to shoot up from the rich soil that once was under the rubble.
The choice is sometimes excruciating. To be the me I had planned or to surrender. Sometimes when I realize I was made to serve others I want to build that old barn back up and hide behind those old gray walls.
But today, with a small ray of sunshine striking out between billowing clouds and a sliver of iridescent blue sky growing larger with each massive wind gust, I decide to choose Peace. I choose not to be afraid of loosing myself to the One who made me.